Anonymous Idiot

Because it’s probably true that I talk about popcorn way too much but hey I love it and won’t make apologies.  Yesterday’s catastrophe with popcorn was that the microwave was on the fritz and no slamming it with the side of your hand was going to fix it in this case.  Believe it that I tried.  Not really on the side because of the way it is in the cabinet situation but I hit the front really hard and even the fan couldn’t come on.

Now what are you to do because you buid up a habit of making that microwave popcorn and you depend on this as a snack late at night.  Most snackers know that the real danger they face is getting up in the middle of the night and eating things they are not aware of because they did not fill up at bedtime.  This could even end up being cat food.  I would not think it but I have seen babies eat it on more than one occasion.  My fear is that it could be good because I saw the same baby eat it twice.  Waking up in the middle of the night with a mouth full of cat food is a nightmare I would rather avoid.  So the popcorn is not negotiable.

Just when nervousness was approaching I thought to look it up.  Google said to unplug the microwave and wait for 30 seconds then plug it in again and the chances are good that the microwave is fixed.  This little trick worked for me so you should try it too if your microwave blinks.  True it adds to the time of making the popcorn but it is better than eating cat food.

This one kind of freaks me out a little. But if you are squeamish or don’t like reading about things that aren’t good supper table conversation I’d say to sit this one out because I’m going to try to be classy but who knows. It could get gross if I can’t figure out how to say it nice.

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This woman is mean.  She tries to be all smiley with people while she insults them, but being more condescending is not a possibility at this point.  If somebody put me on that show and they did their whole telling me what’s wrong with my clothers I think my response would probably be that I will continue to dress myself this way if it will keep mean chicks like you away.  Seriously, do I want to wake up every day next to a girl who was up all night doing her makeup and is going to start in on me because my pajamas are old or maybe that I’m a couple of days behind shaving my chest.  Give it a rest sister.

And then that guy.  I’m not looking for a boyfriend either, so your opinion doesn’t count.  Go over the Bravo and try that with the Queer Guy boys.  They will hold you down teach you to shave your face with the grain and other pointers that most of us who sweat and drink affordable beer don’t give a ladybug about it.  It doesn’t matter to me what you do or your persuation, but it is wrong to try and force it down everyone’s throat.

I think that came out wrong, but I think you know that I’m talking about it on a purely plutonic level.

The marathon format of this show is the worse because I sit and watch it for hours just seething with the hatred these people make me feel due to their meanness.  Why don’t they every run marathons of this show while The Dukes of Hazzard or some other show that I would find a worthy competitor is on?  I’ll tell you why…because that would make ratings go straight to the basement.  I’m out.

Of all the popcorn flavors that are not yet in existence, and let’s admit it there are probably dozens of them, I think the the most tasty of the choices is Buffalo Popcorn.  Wing sauce makes even the nastiest part of the chicken delicious because it contains the two best foods ideas–butter and hot sauce.  I think if were able to combine these forces into popcorn it would be a good one two punch for snackers.

We are all aware because of the proven fact that butter is awesome on popcorn and most other things as well.  AT the movies the popcorn tastes the best even though it costs the most.  Sometimes I leave the movie just sick to my stomach because even if the movie is good I have eaten so much popcorn I want to hurl.  Sometimes the movie makes me hurl too which is a double whammy because I wantt to take free refills on popcorn when the movie is lame.

But if they put some hot sauch on the popcorn it would be on like Donkey Kong and then I’d spend even more money getting a pop or something to chill my mouth.  This also means more frequent trips to the movie theater bathroom and increases puke opportunities.  It would be better suited to make it in the microwave at home, maybe even inthe Redenbacher minibags I bitched about one time.

Hot sauce is good on popcorn whether any big company releases this next year or not.  Check it out with Texas Pete or even some cheap stuff such as WalMart brands.

The following appeared in the “Spout Off” section of the Cape May County Herald, a free weekly newspaper:

What is happening in Philadelphia? Every time you turn around and look on TV or in a newspaper, there’s muggings, rapes, assaults, killings, etc…I know Mayor Nutter is doing the best he can. He’s increased the number of people going through the police academy. But there’s just so much crime up there. They go to the big cities. I think we should consider Marshall Law. I know it seems far-fetched, but, no, it isn’t. It’s at the point where Marshall Law should be in effect. And I wouldn’t pick any pasties; I’d pick the Marine Corps or the Rangers, and put them on Marshall Law for six months or a year, and if it doesn’t help, then they will just continue on. But something must be done. This just goes on and on.
—Cape May

If you don’t think that’s funny, you better keep it to yourself.

If you ever saw Chris Rock do his character in I’m Gonna Get You Sucka then you know that it’s funny to ask someone to pour some soda in your hand for $.15 or to ask somebody how much for one rib.  But it has made me wonder many times exactly how much for one rib in real life.  Now I know the answer is $2.495 but that of course is adjusted for inflation.

I know because today they had a special rib dinner at work with two vegetables.  Now I ate this dinner and I wish I would just bought the vegetables and left the ribs because I had a hard time deciding on vegetables and the ribs wasn’t that good.  I mean, good, yeah, but not good for ribs, you know?   But the lady in line behind me asked the checkout woman, “How much for just the rib?” and I thought she was doing the line from the movie, but no, she was serious.  And then the lady told her $4.99, so I did the math in my head real fast.

I’ve been trying to get into Mensa and have been looking around for some guidance on the web. Best I can figure is that you have to do a test and get a number called an IQ which has to be 132 or more. I figure that another way I should get in is if I come up with a test that nobody in Mensa can get 132 points on. I’ve been asking some Mensas if that would be OK, but haven’t heard yet. Anyways, here is my true/false test.

1. (131 points) The capital of Pennsylvania is Harrisburg.

2. (1 point) This statement is false.

OK, Mensas, will you let me in?

I know I watch too much of the CNBC but Donny Duesch just said there are no bad ideas and I think that’s a bad idea itself.  Maybe there is not bad ideas but just bad people who have ideas.  I don’t know.  But alls I know is that I’ve seen many bad ideas in my day and time.  Even some just earlier today.  Like half of the things they say on CNBC are bad ideas because one person is always saying buy a stock and another is saying sell it.  That means that one of them is wrong and therefore half of all the things they say are wrong.  See how I did that?

But who needs to listent to the iPod underwater?  The guy on The Big Idea now thinks he is the greatest thing since pasturized milk because he made a little case.  Real swimmers don’t want music.  They want to stare at the bottom of the pool and mull over their day ahead of them or possible create some mental toughness from the boredom.  A few may let the depression of this get to them and fill their goggles full of tears.

Dear Comedy Central,

I’m glad you decided to air Futurama. Good choice. I’m also glad that you decided to get on with the show by putting the credits for the last show on in small letters while the next show starts.

But it seems like the people in charge of those credits you put on the bottom of the screen don’t actually WATCH Futurama. Putting the credits on the bottom left of the screen so that they cover up the opening gag is just sub-par.

Anyone that’s a fan of Futurama KNOWS the opening “disclaimer” is something we all watch for.

Running the credits small & fast like that says to me, your audience, “Thanks for watching this same show over and over. We know you’re a fan and that you want to get on with it.”

But putting them on top of the opening gag says, “We don’t really understand this show or its fans.”

Yes, I’ve seen the opening gags before. But guess what… I’ve seen ALL the Futurama shows before. Many times. The opening tagline is PART OF THE SHOW and should not be covered up.

Can’t you put the credits ~and other crap~ on TOP for Futurama?

Sincerely,

A Concerned Idiot